GRAY Wolf Mate: League Of Gallize Shifters Read online

  Shit. He was dying listening to her and sensing just how deeply he’d damaged her even if it had been out of his control.

  She came from a shifter-hating household. Once he’d finished training and learned about her mom’s death, all he could think was how much she’d despise him and he couldn’t face her disgust.

  He’d taken the coward’s way out because he couldn’t tell her the truth, nor could he lie to her and say he left because he didn’t love her any more.

  In retrospect, he now realized he should have done more, but he’d been shipped overseas with his team. He’d been young, confused, and angry at losing his life and his woman, and had spent most of the first two years just trying to keep his wolf from killing everyone in sight.

  Eventually, his head finally acknowledged his new life and forced his heart to buck up and take it like a man.

  The coffee beeped and she jumped, turning to pull down two mugs. She filled them and placed one for him three feet from hers.

  She wanted boundaries.

  He could respect that, but being in the same room with her and not touching her would haunt him when he left.

  Sitting down, she took a sip. “You were telling me how you’re a different kind of shifter.”

  He’d hoped to bypass that with the coffee interruption, but if a change of subject was better for her it was good by him.

  “There are shifters, then there are apex predators, which are not part of a clan, pride or pack. An apex predator is at the top of the shifter food chain.”

  She narrowed it down for him. “You’re more dangerous than a plain old shifter?”

  There was no such thing as a plain old shifter, but he said, “Yes.”

  She dragged a hand through her half-dry mane of black hair.

  He longed to be her fingers.

  Giving him a wary glance, she said, “You’re not giving me a reason to feel warm and fuzzy right now.”

  No one should feel comfortable with an apex predator. All Gallize faced dealing with an unruly beast that required an unnaturally powerful force to control.

  Cole’s beast was a step worse than the others.

  It had been out of control from the minute he shifted the first time and freed Gray Wolf. The Guardian had claimed he’d never seen anything like it, which was hard to imagine coming from a man who had been around as long as he had.

  Telling Tess that much about his wolf would not ease her tension, so he appealed to her logical brain. “There’s a flip side to how dangerous we are. We’re the ultimate enforcement when it comes to shifter law, which is much more severe than human laws for shifters.”

  “I know their laws,” she spat at him.

  “Point taken, but there are laws within the shifter society that you don’t know if you’re not part of a pack or a shifter yourself,” he said, trying to nicely let her know that if she’d gained her knowledge through academia, it was not the same as a hands-on education. “I was taken away and trained so that when I was ordered to deal with dangerous shifters who had become a threat to humans and to their own kind, I became a killing machine. Once I was deemed ready for the field, I was sent overseas with a special unit created to support US Special Forces. I’m on the right side of the law. I’m on your side.”

  Sounding more interested than wary this time, she asked, “What’s the name of your group?”

  “I can’t share that or anything about my group with you or anyone else. I’ve told you more than I’ve been authorized to say already, but I felt you deserved an explanation. We work behind the scenes, supporting human and shifter law enforcement. As I mentioned, the Black River pack knew my team was going to be at that building the other night.” He had sidestepped this before, but he had to give her all he could for any hope of gaining some trust. “In fact, it appeared that their pack was specifically tracking ... me, but I don’t want you to worry about me being here because no one knows I am. I would never lead danger to your door.”

  She clearly struggled with what he was telling her, but Tess was brilliant and reasonable. She’d figure out where to stand in all this. He only hoped she could see past all the hurt and realize he’d been thrown into a situation not of his own doing.

  After staring at the floor while mulling over her thoughts, she raised her chin and declared, “You should be in a safe house somewhere right now.”

  He hadn’t expected her to say that. His heart flipped over in his chest at the worry in her voice.

  She still cared.

  His team would always watch his back, but he’d forgotten how much he liked when she used to make him call her when he traveled just so she’d know he was safe.

  “We protect those who go to safe houses. We don’t hide from anyone or anything,” he explained, trying not to give in and pull her into his arms. She’d probably freak at a shifter doing that, but damn he wanted to just hold her one more time.

  Tess hugged herself. Her brow crinkled with confusion. She rubbed her arms, trembling. When her gaze shot to him, she accused, “What are you doing to me, Cole?”

  Chapter 18

  Tess started to worry about the vibration running through her body, increasing now to the point it felt ready to come through her skin. Okay, weird didn’t begin to describe that thought.

  Could her energy hurt Cole?

  Logic said she was looking at it the wrong way. She’d felt an increase in the intense buzzing every time she’d been around Colin, aka Cole, when he’d touched her.

  Cole looked at her, obviously bewildered. “I’m not doing anything to you, Tess. I swear it.”

  When she stood, he did too. She moved across the small apartment kitchen toward his side of the table. Her body kept wanting to move closer to him.

  Okay, yes, she’d been aroused constantly since touching Colin, but this was jacking up sexual frustration to a whole new level she couldn’t just accept.

  “What’s wrong, Tess? What do you need?”

  He looked and sounded sincere, but answering that truthfully would get her into true trouble.

  She couldn’t very well say she needed him out of those jeans and down on the floor where she could have her way with him. Could she?

  Wow, that just went over the edge of crazy and into needing a straightjacket.

  She had to get him out of here.

  They’d always burned hot and wild as a couple, but this was not happening. Not again.

  Her skin felt flush and her insides were molten heat. She couldn’t take another minute and yelled, “Stop whatever you’re doing to make me vibrate!”

  His eyes widened.

  Then his expression showed guilty as charged.

  Cole said nothing else, just stood there looking like sex on a stick, but slowly the tension in her eased.

  She still struggled between wanting to touch him again and being angry at how they’d been ripped apart. Oh, and that he was a shifter.

  Nothing like a new way to screw with her head and emotions.

  Her heart argued, he said he’d been sort of kidnapped.

  More like an intervention by strange beings.

  Her head chimed in.

  Don’t make excuses for him, Tess.

  She’d gone through every stage of grief and had spent months depressed that he’d just pulled up stakes and left without a word. As if their relationship had been that easy to walk away from when she’d thought they were on the verge of planning their future together.

  “This wasn’t what I wanted either, Tess.”

  And now it sounded like he knew what she’d been thinking.

  Her body slowly came back under control, even if her lady parts were humming with anticipation. Stupid parts.

  The constant rollercoaster of changes and emotions had depleted her bank of patience. She wanted to feel strong now, not fall apart like she had in college after he’d left.

  Sucking it up, she said in an offhanded tone, “Hey, no big deal, Cole. I figured you’d found someone new and moved on.”
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  Instead of sounding strong, her words came out angry and flippant.

  Worse, she regretted them the minute they left her mouth.

  She’d never thought that for one minute. Even if she had, she hated sounding flippant when the pain, even after all these years, was still raw.

  Embarrassed, she turned away to hide the lie her face would reveal.

  Cole moved faster than she’d thought possible, hooking her arm and turning her back to him. She slapped her hands on his hard chest to hold her balance. His heart pounded beneath her fingers and heat rolled off his body.

  She couldn’t meet his eyes.

  “You really thought I could walk away from you that easily?” he asked in a tight voice.

  A hurt voice.

  She did not buy that he was that good a liar.

  He hurt, too.

  Her heart caught on a beat. But she could not fold so easily and excuse him for never contacting her.

  “What’d you expect me to think, Cole?”

  “Damn it, Tess. I get that you didn’t know for all these years and you’re angry. I would be too, in your shoes, but I told you what happened. What you don’t realize is that leaving you was like ripping a hole in my chest. If there was any way I could have come back on my knees to ask for forgiveness in the beginning, I would have, even though being a shifter hadn’t been by choice. I ... I was lost for a long time and I didn’t want to hurt you even more.”

  Her head hurt from trying to figure out where her heart had to stand in all of this. “But you never lifted the phone or sent a letter in seven years. Nothing.”

  Her hands moved with his deep breaths. She finally looked up, expecting to see anger.

  Guilt spread across Cole’s face like a slow moving storm. “I didn’t know how you’d react. I died a thousand deaths the minute I found out what I was and realized that even if I ever saw you again, that you’d hate me. I’m sorry ... I was angry for a long time, drowning in self-pity and battling to accept my future. When I finally got my head out of my ass, I accepted that no one had done this to me. To us. But all the excuses I came up with doesn’t change the fact that you deserved answers before now. I should have manned up and faced you sooner with the truth. You’re right to not forgive me. I’ll never forgive myself.”

  She clinched her fingers, fisting a wad of his shirt in each hand. Honestly, back at nineteen she would have lost it at learning he was a shifter.

  Seven years had changed a lot.

  She’d had time to deal with the pain and the loss, and now she could accept that Cole losing his humanity was a loss for everyone.

  She’d also had time to become familiar with shifters.

  Some were definitely monsters, but she’d met some decent ones she wouldn’t put in that category.

  Cole kept talking in a low voice that gave away no emotion, but his eyes failed to shield how much it had hurt for him to think she hated him.

  He said, “I’ve never been so sorry to be alive as I was then, but day after day of battling to learn how to control my wolf and training for my future beat me into a kind of submission. When I finally accepted what I couldn’t change, I put my head down to get through it. I can never say I’m sorry enough to make up for what happened.”

  He swallowed and drew a breath. She knew he had more to say and waited to hear him out.

  “When I was finally at a point that I was allowed to send you a letter, I couldn’t tell you the truth about what I’d been through. I couldn’t tell you who I worked with or what my future involved.” His finger was gently stroking her cheek. “That left me with one option. Sending a letter saying I left you because I wasn’t ready to settle down and didn’t love you. There was no way I’d write those lies even if someone had held a gun to my head. I thought about having my boss report news of my death to give you closure.”

  Her heart ached at the agony he had been through. She couldn’t fathom telling her father or the man she loved that she’d become a shifter overnight.

  After hearing his heart-wrenching story, she wanted to hold him and make all that pain go away.

  Her lip trembled and she broke. “I’m sorry for what happened to both of us.”

  Cole was so close he could kiss her, but he was clearly holding back, being careful with her.

  Did she want him to kiss her?

  Yes.

  She waited to feel guilt for wanting to kiss a shifter.

  Not feeling it.

  Her father would lose his mind if he saw her right now, but this wasn’t her father’s life.

  Or was this just her admitting to a curiosity that had started when she was around Colin?

  Cole.

  Damn, she had to get her head together.

  Make a decision.

  Kissing him wouldn’t change the world, but it felt like a monumental decision. Touching Cole’s lips, tasting him again, seemed so simple, but where would that leave her after this? How would that change her?

  And what about Cole?

  He hadn’t said one thing that sounded as if he planned to stick around. Would she take this risk only to be left alone once he vanished again?

  He couldn’t even tell her who he worked for.

  She drew a deep breath that caused her robe to fall open slightly.

  His eyes flicked down, then back up. No apology in that gaze. He’d clearly take whatever she’d give him.

  The question was, how much would she give him?

  He lifted his hand and stroked her hair, reminding her of how she used to wake up to him leaning over her, brushing her hair off her face.

  Her stomach quivered. Her body longed for his touch.

  That frustrating energy buzzed in her chest.

  He whispered, “I’m so damned sorry for not coming back sooner to say something. I would cut off an arm if it would make your pain vanish. I would never intentionally hurt you.”

  She closed her eyes, struggling between backing away and jumping into his arms.

  Why did making one decision have to be so blasted hard?

  Why couldn’t she ...

  “You’re killin’ me,” he muttered and pulled her into his arms. His lips met hers and he kissed her with a fierceness she’d never felt from him. His hungry mouth wiped her mind free of any thought except kissing him back.

  She knew if she gave one squeak or push he’d let her go.

  The last thing she wanted right now was for him to stop.

  His lips moved to her throat as he lifted her up. She arched into him, feeling the thick ridge of his erection. She made a noise, something foreign and needy, so unlike her.

  “What do you want, baby? It’s yours.”

  She fought to keep her lips closed and lost the battle. “Touch me, please touch me.”

  He made a sound that matched the way she was feeling.

  His lips were kissing her the way they had long ago. As he whispered to her, his hand pushed inside her robe, which suddenly had a major tie failure and draped all the way open. When his fingers touched her breast, she lost her mind, gripping him to her.

  He lifted her to the counter and returned his attention to the other breast, teasing her nipples until she cried out.

  He shoved the band of her silk shorts down and stroked his fingers between her legs.

  “You’re so damn wet. I love it. Love everything about you.”

  She could barely hear him through the roar in her ears. She clutched his neck, pulling his mouth to hers. He gave her everything she demanded without her ever having to utter a word.

  No more talking. She just wanted to feel, to let go of all the burdens weighing her down and feel him everywhere.

  Her inner energy hummed now as it spread through her body and into her womb where it coiled with the heat building there.

  His finger slid inside her and he kissed her harder. His tongue swept across her lips and into her mouth, mimicking his finger play that pushed her closer to oblivion.

  She arched back as fa
r as she could, shaking with the need to let go.

  His head moved down and he sucked her breast.

  Stars danced in her vision. So close. “Don’t stop.”

  He didn’t answer, but neither did he pause. His fingers knew her better than she knew herself. He stroked her to a feverish point, then brushed his thumb over the sensitive nub ... pushing her until she fractured.

  Energy like she’d never experienced burst through her and spun her orgasm beyond belief. She rode his hand and gripped his shoulders, hanging on for her life.

  When the sizzle slowed back to a hum, Cole pulled her to him. He kissed her gently and continued stroking her slowly until the last shock waves stopped.

  Holy mother of orgasms. She could hardly talk. “That ... that was not like ... ”

  His lips swallowed her next words and she didn’t care, but what had that been? They’d had an incredible sex life before, but this had been ... a new level.

  And she’d been the only one to enjoy it.

  Selfish guilt landed on her shoulders. “You, uhm, didn’t ...”

  “Don’t,” he whispered.

  “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t feel bad, please.”

  Was he reading her mind? Before she could ask, he said, “I loved sharing that with you. Loved holding you again and touching you. That was a gift I never expected to have again. Don’t take that away by saying you regret it.”

  She heard something she’d never heard in his voice.

  Vulnerability. She could so easily take this opening and hurt him back, but she’d rather gouge out her eyes than hurt him when he’d shown her how he had suffered, too.

  Squeezing him in a bear hug, which was not easy now that he’d grown up as big as one, she said, “I don’t regret it, though I will admit I’m not sure how I’ll feel later once I have time to process this.”

  He chuckled and it made her smile.

  She asked, “What’s so funny?”

  “You. I always enjoyed the way you turned something around and around in your mind until you wore the corners off and forced it into a hole. Then you’d know exactly what to do.”

  She dropped her head onto his shoulder.